What Phoebe would write if she weren't leaving

by Phoebe Maltz

I've been writing What Would Phoebe Do? since my first year, and I think this one here will be the last, unless my post-college career ends up being Freelance Maroon Columnist, in which case I'll s...

It's no surprise that we beat Harvard

by Phoebe Maltz

The Wall Street Journal's "Opinion Journal" ran a piece on April 29 by Michael Steinberger that brought immense, seemingly inexplicable joy to the U of C community. What did Steinberger write? A de...

Among other things, a defense of Broadview

by Phoebe Maltz

The buzzwords surrounding culture- or ethnic-themed dormitories are misleading: "multicultural" sounds like a good thing, whereas "segregation," not so good. A dorm of pride-filled blacks or Latino...

Bellow must be remembered and revered

by Phoebe Maltz

I went to the University of Chicago for many reasons. I wanted to be forced to learn more math and science than I would voluntarily have subjected myself to at another school. I wanted to make up f...

Phoebe would certainly not covenant marry

by Phoebe Maltz

"Upgrading their vows to that of a covenant marriage, a legally binding contract available only in Arkansas, Arizona and Louisiana, the Huckabees [the Arkansas governor and his wife] hope to jump-s...

U of C: A feminist and post-feminist utopia

by Phoebe Maltz

It's hard to be a girl. Or at least it's hard to be a girl at the U of C. No, strike that, it's hard to be a U of C girl looking to snag frat guys predisposed to finding the school's women "ugly." ...

Roth book misused to mourn election

by Phoebe Maltz

Rebecca Phillips wrote in last Friday's Maroon ("America ‘le ridicule,'" 11/11/04): "[D]espite the Kerry-Edwards button defiantly pinned on my winter coat, I knew that it was over. It wouldn't be u...

Meet the anti-anti-American New Yorker

by Phoebe Maltz

Is it possible to be a native New Yorker, one who loves the city, who feels culturally aligned with "blue America," who reads the Times, who is for gay marriage, who wears a lot of black, who order...

Jewish-conspiracy theorist surfaces at Duke

by Phoebe Maltz

The good life. Most people picture seaside vacations, mojitos served by attractive members of one's preferred sex, and not having a care (or midterm) in the world. Not so for Philip Kurian, a stude...

A core problem: science vs. humanities

by Phoebe Maltz

We have Hum, not "poetry for physicists"; why, then, do we have "physics for poets"? There's a flaw in the Core; a tear in the otherwise flawless ozone layer that surrounds the College. I first no...

Anglophobia and conformity in the blogosphere

by Phoebe Maltz

American political bloggers have a thing for "rather." Not Dan Rather, but "rather" as in "very." In spoken American English, I have yet to hear someone say, "I'm rather bored," or "this is rather ...

Redline Shuttle debate misses larger issues

by Phoebe Maltz

Two principal takes on the new Red Line Shuttle have surfaced in Viewpoints: the shuttle is either a sinister, possibly racist, means of setting the University further apart from the community, or ...

The Matzah Cycle: France, England, etc

by Phoebe Maltz

As a child, up until the age of about, let's say, 19, I was very confused by where matzah came from. I had not bought into the blood-libel rumors. No, I figured it must be made out of matzah meal, ...

The perils of being moderate

by Phoebe Maltz

I'd like to say I'm voting for Bush. I was going to, really, I was planning on it, I got ridiculed for it, and now I have to take it all back. I am again a good Democrat, like when the teenaged son...

A teeny bopper's guide to the primaries

by Phoebe Maltz

Disillusioned by a blur of Democrats? Look again—there are some crucial differences among the candidates. Seriously, take a close look. As of this evening, the candidates are, in order of teeny-bo...

Fashion experts debate Ugg boots craze

by Phoebe Maltz

As sort of a "welcome back" surprise for the whopping 1 per cent of Chicago students interested in fashion and gratuitous name-dropping, I have set up a point-counterpoint between Prudence Plain, t...

Liberty, justice, and hair products for all

by Phoebe Maltz

This week has been a good one for the gay and gay-ish. Not only has the Supreme Court ordered police across the nation to stop breaking into any well-decorated home they are referred to, but The Ne...

GOP on campus, NYT warns

by Phoebe Maltz

The New York Times's decision to feature college Republicans in its magazine ("The Young Hipublicans," by John Colapinto) is sure to elicit two responses. Liberal readers will read curiously to see...

Politicians' comments not as offensive as they seem

by Phoebe Maltz

Sometimes, politicians put their feet in their mouths, outraging some while forcing all who back them to frantically come up with excuses. These excuses have a tendency to sound weak, causing us to...

A Response to Matt Tievsky

by Phoebe Maltz

When the Maroon wrote a staff editorial last Tuesday calling for the University to punish hate speech and action, I do not believe that the intent was to claim that the University should punish al...

Left-right spectrum incorrect

by Phoebe Maltz

It is often the case that students here who oppose Taco Bell are also opposed to the war with Iraq and are in favor of less stringent drug laws, while those who want to attack Iraq also oppose gay ...

On cowboys and Republicans

by Phoebe Maltz

This is not debatable: at least in the United States, the left is better dressed than the right. On the left, there are actors and urbanites, French expatriates and young people. On the right, ther...

Professors and the student press

by Phoebe Maltz

Professors who write letters and op-eds in student papers are assets to them for the same reason that their presence poses a problem. Professors writing for student press often have valuable inputs...

On freedom and meritocracy

by Phoebe Maltz

There are two stances that you are likely to hear on affirmative action at selective universities. The first is that it is flawed but necessary. The second is that it has the right goal but is the ...

The new college application

by Phoebe Maltz

At the highly selective college that I am going to found, I will work hard to create a flawless admissions process. I will grapple with how to promote diversity while avoiding punishing those who a...

Cafe Unintelligentsia opens

by Phoebe Maltz

Espresso-based beverages, while often referred to as yuppie or gourmet, are marketed in a way that is neither. I defy anyone to find a latte, cappuccino, or macchiato being sold in a place devoid o...

What Would Phoebe Do?

by Phoebe Maltz

Left and right, Republican and Green, green and blue—today's political landscape is one of contradiction, if not outright disagreement, if not, dare I say it, blatant refusal of all to conform to o...

What Would Phoebe Do?

by Phoebe Maltz

Recently, The Criterion put on its back cover a list of the prep-school graduating class to which each of its contributors belongs, along with the words, "Some of my best friends went to public sch...

What Would Phoebe Do?

by Phoebe Maltz

In French class, we are currently discussing how, in 16th-century literature, pure love, involving only the heart (coeur) is contrasted with sinful, impure love involving the body (corps). So, you'...

Giving the U of C some advice

by Phoebe Maltz

According to The New York Times, sex columns are big (no pun intended) on American college campuses. The U of C, as of the last time I read one of its papers, does not have such a column. If this s...

Keep church and state separate

by Phoebe Maltz

On many issues, I infuriate my liberal friends, some of whom live in co-ops or communes. I believe Israel ought to continue doing what it's doing, perhaps a little more. I do not think bisexuality ...

Showdown: Co-op versus co-op

by Phoebe Maltz

No fewer than four of my friends from high school are or soon will be living in co-ops next year at their respective colleges. From what I understand, a co-op is a communal living environment where...

In the news recently...

by Phoebe Maltz

What Would Phoebe Do? The News Edition, by Phoebe Maltz News Part 1: La France Jacques Chirac would eat no gras; his wife would eat no lean. French politics is a wonderful thing. My only complai...

What would Phoebe do

by Phoebe Maltz

What Would Phoebe Do by Phoebe Maltz The Hell edition It only took three installments of "What Would Phoebe Do? (WWPD?)" for me to learn that I am, in fact, going to hell. Danielle Stella wrote a...

So-called "ex-gay" causes controversy

by Phoebe Maltz

The "ex-gay" who gave a talk entitled "Homosexuality-Biology or Choice?" Tuesday night at Ida Noyes had the misfortune of being conservative to the point of nuttiness and inaccurate to the point of...

An ode to an English prince

by Phoebe Maltz

Prince Harry In Two Acts Act I. Phoebe's Apology of Prince Harry Nothing unites a country better than royal debauchery gone bad. The solidarity a nation feels when its inbred eli...

The science of fromage

by Phoebe Maltz

I have a dilemma. I've enjoyed my first year here so far, but I dread having to take science at some point before graduating. This is why I am proposing an independent-study science class of my own...

Puddle spotted near Ida Noyes

by Phoebe Maltz

On Sunday night, a large, icy puddle was seen on a diagonal path near Ida Noyes Hall. This puddle extended from one side of the path nearly all the way to the other, forcing pedestrians to seek out...

Where you learn to be a deity

by Phoebe Maltz

Dear Aspiring Deity, Thank you for expressing interest in the Divinity School. We hope you find that our program suits your interests as a budding deity. Enjoy! Purpose: The Divinity School is d...

CAPS plan doesn't help much

by Phoebe Maltz

I recently read a passage in a booklet from CAPS outlining the "four-year career plan" that students should follow in college. At the end of your four years here, if you follow the instructions, yo...

Phoebe Maltz

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