April 1, 2011

Summer Breeze artist selected

Note: This article is satirical in nature and was published for April Fools' Day.

The Major Activities Board (MAB) announced yesterday that Rebecca Black, whose YouTube sensation “Friday” recently took the the Internet by storm, will be headlining Summer Breeze.

MAB spokesperson Amelia Byrne cited Black's viral rise as the main reason why she was selected among a list of top artists. “We really lucked out to get such a shooting star,” Byrne said. “I think students will really appreciate having her at the end of the quarter, when she's going to be on top of the world.”

After MAB judges weeded down the candidates to five last week, they picked Black unanimously. Other performers on the short list were The Strokes, Justin Bieber, and local rappers Kanye West and Common.

Although some judges were leaning towards Bieber, they all cited Black's musical talent as the deciding factor. “‘Friday’ resonates among young people,” said second-year MAB Board Member Arnold Wills. “Black has really been a voice for our generation the past two weeks.”

They added that she also appeals to professors with more intellectual sensibilities, who will be able to buy tickets.

“Black’s poignant lyrics belie many layers of subtext in which is signified the suffering the modern teenager endures as it strives to find meaning in the banal tasks normative societal standards demand of it,” said semiotics professor Ronald Clingham, who plans on staking his claim in the front row several hours prior to the event. “At its heart, this song is about the search for free will in post-Cold War America.”

Tickets will go on sale third week, will “likely sell out that day,” according to Wills, and the concert will be on the quads at the end of seventh week.

While MAB’s selection is widely seen as exceeding expectations, MAB commented that it does come with a price. “There probably won’t be any more Summer Breezes for a while,” Wills said. “Rebecca Black isn’t cheap.”