During 30 Rock’s hiatus, Jack and Avery went to a French island and tried to get married. They tried and tried. But, because the ceremony was conducted in French, and because Liz was wearing a government-recommended mosquito net on her head, there was a misunderstanding and guess who actually got married? Liz and Jack.

Now they have to get divorced. But NBC is cutting health care benefits for TGS’s writers. Also, to make NBC seem more profitable, Jack has started renting the studio out for bar mitzvahs. TGS can’t rehearse! Liz decides to blackmail Jack—she won’t divorce him until TGS gets dental coverage and rehearsal space. When Jack tells her that this is “not his first rodeo” [rodeo presumably meaning blackmail escapade with a woman he is married to], Liz says, “Well, I’ve been to a rodeo too. It was a cat rodeo in a gay guy’s apartment.”

While Liz and Jack are harming each other, Dr. Spaceman tells Tracy he’s probably going to die. Tracy has a variety of symptoms, but the best one is that his blood tastes like root beer—it’s so whimsical! This prompts Tracy’s wife, Angie, to decide she needs a career in entertainment. She is talentless, but needs to be able to provide for herself if Tracy dies from not having real blood. So Jack decides to give Angie a reality show—during TGS’s timeslot!

So Liz takes the blackmail war to the next (and final) level. She goes on TV and announces that she and Jack are pledging five million dollars to start The Jack and Elizabeth Donaghy High School for Teen Drama, The Arts, and Feelings. She and Jack end up in therapy (the HR office) soon after and there, with Mr. Weinerslav (pronounced Weinerslave), they realize that they actually care about each other and should get divorced. As they realize this, some nice music plays.

In other news: Danny and Jenna argued a lot, and Kenneth thought he was their son.