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February 1, 2011

Foodents: Chicago jet-setters spotted at Sunda

Sunda is hip. So hip, in fact, that nearly every famous person ever has eaten there. We thought we’d let these diners—spotted in the 2010 restaurant season—speak for themselves. Pronouns have been clarified where ambiguous.

Rapper and Spoken Word Artist, Common: “Streetlights & deep nights cats trying to eat right/Riding no seat bikes with work to feed hypes/So they can keep sweet Nikes they head & they feet right”

Funny Man, David Schwimmer: “It's kinda sexy. I didn't think it would be but…wow.”

Rock and Roll Supergroup, Soundgarden: “Don't you don't you want to thrill me/
Don't you be afraid to tell me/Tell me if you think it's [bad New Asian gourmet cuisine]/But now don't you want to touch [New Asian gourmet cuisine] anyway.”

International Sports Sensation, LeBron James: “I don't need too much. Glamour and all that stuff don't excite me. I am just glad I have the game of [New Asian gourmet cuisine] in my life.”

Risqué Teen Pop Diva, Ke$ha: “If I smear [food] on my face, you don’t have a choice – you will be more attracted to me. It’s part of our brand [food]. So anyway, then I started thinking, why just do my eyes? Why not my entire body? And at the end of my shows why don’t I put a backpack on that’s like a hand-held cannon and blast [food] at people? So not only do I look attractive, but so does everybody who’s dancing? It’s kind of like become my thing.”

Inspirational Woman Host, Meredith Vieria: “In some way, it feels very much the same but we have made some real changes. The most obvious one is there's no more hot seat…The hot seat became too comfortable, believe it or not for folks.”

Hollywood Agent, Jeremy Piven: “ Jonah, next time boy’s night out. [To Vince Vaughn] These girls are annoying.”

Teen Heartthrob, John Cusack: “ I don't want to sell [food], buy [food], or process [food] as a career. I don't want to sell [food] bought or processed, or buy [food] sold or processed, or process [food] sold, bought, or processed, or repair [food] sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.”

Vince Vaughn: “I really like [food] that brings people together. There's a lot of [food] lately that have been at people's expense or been kind of acidic or mean-spirited. And some folks like that, and I think there's room for that, but that's not my style. I like [food] that makes us all feel closer. [Food], at its best, can be healing.”

Man Standing Above Ke$ha: “I did not join the resistance movement to kill people, to kill the nation. Look at me now. Am I a savage person? My conscience is clear.”

A Woman Seated Second From the Left: To summarize the arguments thus far: Rapper and Spoken Word Artist Common is pointing out the “dream-like” nature of the Sunda dining experience. Its hipness is to be pined after by those “on the corner.” Sunda is a beacon to the dispossessed, the unhip, and those entering into the realm of “cool.” Funny Man David Schwimmer is drawing our attention to the often initially blasé attitude of Chicago’s jet-set upon entering Sunda—an attitude that is quickly reversed. But there is another side to Sunda. Although certainly a stylish destination, Rock and Roll Supergroup Soundgarden reminds us that Sunda isn’t necessarily for everyone. International Sports Sensation LeBron James declares vividly that nevertheless there are things to smile about even if you are jaded to the restaurant’s almost over-cinematic décor. Risqué Teen Pop Diva Ke$ha’s argument follows a heterodox tract. Inspirational Woman Host Meredith Vieria illustrates the relative triviality of this restaurant. Despite its nominal status among the Elite, this “hot seat’s” food makes this claim truly baseless. It is not “challenging” enough for diners looking for a culinary “high stakes quiz show.” Jeremy Piven opines on the awkward social nature of dining out at a restaurant such as Sunda. Its ambiance enforces a sense of violent aloofness that leaves many diners uncomfortable and stupefied, senseless. Teen Heartthrob John Cusack enjoys the organicist and natural quality of Sunda’s food offerings. No processed meat here! Vince Vaughn is characteristically self-explanatory. Finally, the Man Standing Above RTPD Ke$ha is recommending that you don’t go for brunch. Brunch is just okay, and it’s expensive!!

Farewell, stay well, and eat well.

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