TGS has been accused of hating women by feminist blog Joan of Snark. Liz decides that to prove Joan wrong by hiring a female comic as a guest writer, Abby Flynn. Abby shows up with with a lollipop and a mini-jumper and kneesocks and she keeps saying that her nipples are hard. “Mine are different sizes!” Liz says, to get her back on track. I wish this entire conversation had never happened…
Meanwhile, Jack is having a faceoff with a fourteen year-old. She is heir to Hank Hooper’s empire, e.g. to the merged NBC/Kabletown thing that exists now. Jack wants it. He tries to convince her to become a deep-sea explorer by showing her a fish in a museum. It seems to work, but here is what actually happens: Jack wants to become a deep-sea explorer. He imagines himself with a beard, driving a boat, talking about the boat. This was the girl’s plan all along—she had read Jack’s autobiography and knew about his childhood ocean dreams. She played him! She threw her books on the ground and made her friend pick them up!
Liz and Jenna decide to “help” Abby Flynn. Liz wants to help her fight social pressures women face (to be babies?)—Jenna is just pissed at Abby. She says: “She’s being hot and doing baby talk? I invented that!” In a flashback, Jenna’s baby talk becomes so realistic that she is just burbling wordlessly. In a diaper. (Not really in a diaper.)
Liz meets Abby by a statue of Eleanor Roosevelt and tells her she can drop the sexy baby act. Abby says, “The sexy baby thing isn’t an act. I’m a very sexy baby!” She is wearing tiny gym shorts in the winter and weirdly provocative earmuffs (don’t judge me). Liz says Abby embarrasses her, and starts perusing the internet, looking for proof Abby is not really a sexy baby. Although her age (adult age!) seems like enough proof to me.
Liz finds an old YouTube clip of Abby doing standup, looking oddly like Liz. Her jokes are “brave,” in that she points out no one ever has fun at brunch—a topic the powerful brunch lobby keeps out of public discourse? Liz shows the clip at a staff meeting, and Abby gets pissed. It turns out Abby’s life depends on her sexy baby act (a sentence I never thought I’d write!) She changed her identity to hide from her violent ex-husband. Because of Liz’s shenanigans, he knows where Abby is now, and she has to change her identity again. Thanks for nothing, feminism! Or whatever that was!