EDITORIALS

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December 2, 2014

What we’re thankful for

The things you might have forgotten before digging into Thanksgiving dinner.

Now that we’re all back from stuffing ourselves with turkeys (or tofurkeys for the vegetarians among us, or other foodstuffs for those who venture outside of tradition), there are some things which might have slipped your mind on the annual day of thanks. Luckily, the Editorial Board has remembered them for you:

24-Hour CVS: So I can get my Doritos, toilet paper, and hair dye at 5 a.m.

Reading period: When Reg room reservations become as competitive as art course registration.

Derisiewicz and the new molecular engineering minor: For giving us existential anxiety about our education.

Reg study rooms: And all the tiny penises inscribed on their walls.

Saieh Hall: Home of ambiguous pronunciations—is it the hall of long Sighs, the hall with good Say, or Money Church?

Change Point: The laundry system that was scheduled to change at some point.

Campus North: South Campus. Symmetry matters.

Overheard at UChicago: For being the University’s most trusted name in news.

Yik Yak: Discourse for dummies. And racists.

Treasure Island discount: Another reason to have a fake ID.

Bathroom graffiti: For making my poops more interesting. I don’t have an iPhone.

Fall sports (football, men’s and women’s soccer, volleyball, and men’s and women’s cross country): Two UAA Championships, four NCAA tournament appearances, and two All-Americans. The most successful season in recent memory.

Chicago Innovation Exchange (CIE): How does one exchange innovation? Or innovate exchange?

SG stipends: The largest documented on-campus instance of students getting angry about their money not getting spent.

The University doubling the number of Metcalf internships: Paving the way to our future of unemployment and a lifetime of living as sheep.

CLI: If the Cat Loving Institute didn’t want to be abbreviated, it shouldn’t have had such a long name.

Yusho: Congrats on finally opening, but consider making your small plates normal-sized plates.

The weather: DID YOU KNOW THAT IT’S 60 DEGREES IN PHILADELPHIA RIGHT NOW? D.C., TOO. AND NEW HAVEN. NEW FUCKING HAVEN.

The Pub: Thanks.

Fall Formal: My roommate’s friend’s friend went. Apparently it was OK.

Uber: A possible replacement for the shuttle system on campus? Since it actually arrives on time? Shout-out to Mustafa.

No Barriers: See “fewer barriers.”

Harvard University: See “Overheard.

—The Maroon Editorial Board

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