The University of Chicago’s Independent Student Newspaper since 1892

Chicago Maroon

The University of Chicago’s Independent Student Newspaper since 1892

Chicago Maroon

The University of Chicago’s Independent Student Newspaper since 1892

Chicago Maroon

What we’re thankful for

The things you might have forgotten before digging into Thanksgiving dinner.

Now that we’re all back from stuffing ourselves with turkeys (or tofurkeys for the vegetarians among us, or other foodstuffs for those who venture outside of tradition), there are some things which might have slipped your mind on the annual day of thanks. Luckily, the Editorial Board has remembered them for you:

24-Hour CVS: So I can get my Doritos, toilet paper, and hair dye at 5 a.m.

Reading period: When Reg room reservations become as competitive as art course registration.

Derisiewicz and the new molecular engineering minor: For giving us existential anxiety about our education.

Reg study rooms: And all the tiny penises inscribed on their walls.

Saieh Hall: Home of ambiguous pronunciations—is it the hall of long Sighs, the hall with good Say, or Money Church?

Change Point: The laundry system that was scheduled to change at some point.

Campus North: South Campus. Symmetry matters.

Overheard at UChicago: For being the University’s most trusted name in news.

Yik Yak: Discourse for dummies. And racists.

Treasure Island discount: Another reason to have a fake ID.

Bathroom graffiti: For making my poops more interesting. I don’t have an iPhone.

Fall sports (football, men’s and women’s soccer, volleyball, and men’s and women’s cross country): Two UAA Championships, four NCAA tournament appearances, and two All-Americans. The most successful season in recent memory.

Chicago Innovation Exchange (CIE): How does one exchange innovation? Or innovate exchange?

SG stipends: The largest documented on-campus instance of students getting angry about their money not getting spent.

The University doubling the number of Metcalf internships: Paving the way to our future of unemployment and a lifetime of living as sheep.

CLI: If the Cat Loving Institute didn’t want to be abbreviated, it shouldn’t have had such a long name.

Yusho: Congrats on finally opening, but consider making your small plates normal-sized plates.

The weather: DID YOU KNOW THAT IT’S 60 DEGREES IN PHILADELPHIA RIGHT NOW? D.C., TOO. AND NEW HAVEN. NEW FUCKING HAVEN.

The Pub: Thanks.

Fall Formal: My roommate’s friend’s friend went. Apparently it was OK.

Uber: A possible replacement for the shuttle system on campus? Since it actually arrives on time? Shout-out to Mustafa.

No Barriers: See “fewer barriers.”

Harvard University: See “Overheard.

—The Maroon Editorial Board

Leave a Comment
Donate to Chicago Maroon
$670
$2000
Contributed
Our Goal

Your donation makes the work of student journalists of University of Chicago possible and allows us to continue serving the UChicago and Hyde Park community.

More to Discover
About the Contributor

Board Members

Solana Adedokun

Elena Eisenstadt

Cherie Fernandes

Michael McClure

Eva McCord

Naina Purushothaman

Kayla Rubenstein

Anu Vashist

 

The Editorial Board publishes editorials that represent The Maroon's institutional voice. Seven to 10 voting-eligible members of The Maroon compose the Board. The editor-in-chief runs the editorial board, and the managing editor is required to be a member. Each member of the Board has equal voting power. No more than three members of the Editorial Board may dissent from a published editorial. If more than three members dissent, the editorial may not be published. Dissenters are entitled but not required to explain the reason(s) for their dissent at the end of the editorial. 

Donate to Chicago Maroon
$670
$2000
Contributed
Our Goal

Comments (0)

All Chicago Maroon Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *