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October 22, 2019

The Very Hungry Squirrels of UChicago

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Courtesy of Ujaan Purakayastha

College students are notoriously hungry. But what’s the only thing hungrier than a college student? A college squirrel. 

Whereas normal squirrels eat acorns and nuts, the Sciuridae uchicago has been spotted eating just about everything under the sunor more accurately, everything under a trash can lid. As a tribute to these rapacious rodents, we’ve put together an illustrated list of the weirdest, wildest things students have seen UChicago squirrels eating.  

 

12. Banana – Wolf Hertzberg, fourth-year; Alice Cheng, third-year 

While tame in comparison to some of the later items on this list, watching a squirrel eat a whole banana with its bare paws is a sight to see.  

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Alice Cheng / The Chicago Maroon
 

11.  Apple core (out of a student’s hand) – Olinka Regules, third-year 

We wish we had actual footage of this to show you such a magnificent feat, but when life takes you by surprise, who could blame you for forgetting to hit record? Should we be more concerned about squirrels’ lack of personal boundaries?   

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Olinka Regules
 

10. A bagel – Wolf Hertzberg, fourth-year  

Forget the latke-hamantash debate; the truly irresistible Jewish food is the bagel, as this squirrel knows. Sure, the bagel is twice its size, but why should that stop it? 

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Wolf Hertzberg
 

9. Sweet potato fries – Helen Xia, first-year  

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Helen Xia
 

Are sweet potato fries healthier? This squirrel seems to think so.

8. Quiche – Galen Jiang, third-year  

At least, we think it’s a quiche.  

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Jalen Jiang
 

7. Candy wrapper remnants – @uchicago_squirrels, Lisette Gonzalez, third-year 

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Lisette Gonzalez
 

Like taking candy from a baby.

6. Churro – Claire Holland, fourth-year  

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Claire Holland
 

Just... wow.

5. One whole donut – Christina Stebbins, fourth-year   

But was it yeast or cake?   

4. Cookies – Emilie Blum, first-yearSophie Singer, third-yearBrooke Davis, first-yearAndrew Olmstead, fourth-year 

This was the most common consumption students came across on campus, with the squirrels favorite appearing to be sugar cookies. 

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Ujaan Purakayastha
 

3. Blueberry muffin – Kenjiro Lee, fourth-year 

A squirrel was caught stealing an entire blueberry muffin from a student during breakfast hours...and proceeded to have a heart attack afterwards.  

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Kenjiro Lee
 

2. Pie – Isaac Rand, second-year 

Filled with holiday spirit, this squirrel decided to join in on the feasting and eat a dining hall pie.  

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Isaac Rand
 

1. Another squirrel??? – Mimansa Dogra, fourth-year; Hannah Halpern, first-year; Sophie Singer, third-year 

While we don’t have video footage of this, the fact that it was brought to our attention more than once makes it worth noting. A quick Google search shows that squirrels can be cannibalisticso after eating all of our sweets, maybe this is how they get their protein? 

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Mimansa Dogra, Hannah Halpen, Sophie Singer
 

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